Ascend.

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A Very Brief Love Letter.

Prince Rogers Nelson,

As a child, I was supposed to hate you and everything you represented. The gender fluidity, the provoking sexuality, the antithesis of everything I was taught to be. My family clung to Michael and rejected you, so naturally, I was drawn.

You had the glitter, the extravagance, everything I wanted to be but could not be out of my own internalized fear. I know little pieces of your spirit are living within me; I’m sorry for not allowing them to thrive the way you would have wanted me to. I am exploding with untapped potential.

Admittedly, so much of me is tied to my value to others and how I am perceived. Part of me wonders how many of your years were spent for others, if you scrapped Purple Rain seven times before finally relinquishing doubt and releasing it. I cling to imaginary narratives of your doubt to convince myself that your self-assuredness is still a real possibility in my life. More than anything, I am wishing these particles of you will blossom within me and remind me that it’s not too late.

I love and fear my voice simultaneously and recognize that because of your existence.

Prince, I am queer and navigating. You and Audre Lorde were my manuals, but I tiptoed around Zami and Darling Nikki like a motherfucker. There has always been a fear of the unknown, of stepping into unpaved territory and not being able to find my way back. I’ve always had a love and appreciation of my body, but a fear of the sensual energy it possesses. To understand the multiplicity of my tongue. I am aiming to find out exactly which twenty-three positions you were referring to, and feeling no shame in the process. Thank you for building and re-affirming my beliefs about pleasure and why I deserve it.

You were transforming, always transforming in ways unimaginable even near your death/ascension. I struggle with change but your transformations are a reminder that I will not be the same person tomorrow and there is so much room to embrace that.

To say that no one taught me how to be myself would be a lie because you were always there in your velvety glory, a walking symbol of what unfiltered self-love looked like. Flawed, but the most perfect and authentic version of yourself is what you always presented, and is what I continue to strive for.

Prince, I have never wanted to adopt a spirit more than I have wanted yours.

Prince, I love you.

Thank you for pushing me into the pursuit of greatness.

stay gold,

3rdeyegurl

This post is part of Write Your Ass Off April, a Twenties Unscripted 10-Day Writing Challenge #WYAOApril. I am responding to the “Ascend” prompt. Check out the challenge here.

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One thought on “Ascend.

  1. Doubting is an natural as sensuality. We’re all taught what’s right and wrong and everyone leaves out the grey. It’s all grey to me. Being true to yourself is important. You of all people need to approve of yourself because the only person that has to live the rest of their lives with you.. IS YOU. I hope you continue to find inspiration in others, but in time discover your own voice! Self-discovery is a never ending process so don’t get discouraged 🙂

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